Behind Our Size

by Doubting Thomas Cruise Control

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released September 18, 2012

Recorded by Doubting Thomas Cruise Control, August/September 2012 at Duckbill Studios (Gowanus/Bed-Stuy)

Artwork by Bina Santos (



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Doubting Thomas Cruise Control Brooklyn, New York

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Track Name: Behind Our Size
All dressed up and set to go
out to a place with things we've never sown
(but we wanted them all).

I'd fuck you, and you'd abide--
but something that was resting in your eyes
was too much. It tore me up.

You saw the truth behind our size:
our shadows loom, but it was just the sun
going down, casting long.

I was not equipped to hide
the feelings that you conjured in my bones
far away from my own.

Went back to my former home,
built newer buildings out of the same stone.
It was cheap; not our own.

Souvenirs that live inside
are shadowed by the trinkets we hold up
(they're a drop in the cup).

Memories that ebb and flow
from histories much larger than my own
(wires crossed, flaring up).

And I'll take you back to Greece and Rome;
I'll whore out the Rosetta Stone.
Take a flash,
cause it's not coming back.
Track Name: Caesarean Lack
I do not remember
the things from this December
the way that you describe.
I don't trust the teller.
The story's a production
that you have designed.

That's not what it was like.
I was not that guy
who fucked it up,
it was your
built up expectations
for me.
How the hell could I live up?

A standard based in fiction,
a memory vindictive,
and wiring secure.
Although I am not guilty,
I can't help but feel that
somehow I'm at fault.

That's not what it was like.
I was not so clear
to where I stood,
I floated
on an easy time
of holding hands,
hoping they'd unclasp
without a second glance.