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Behind Our Size

by Doubting Thomas Cruise Control

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1.
All dressed up and set to go out to a place with things we've never sown (but we wanted them all). I'd fuck you, and you'd abide-- but something that was resting in your eyes was too much. It tore me up. You saw the truth behind our size: our shadows loom, but it was just the sun going down, casting long. I was not equipped to hide the feelings that you conjured in my bones far away from my own. Went back to my former home, built newer buildings out of the same stone. It was cheap; not our own. Souvenirs that live inside are shadowed by the trinkets we hold up (they're a drop in the cup). Memories that ebb and flow from histories much larger than my own (wires crossed, flaring up). And I'll take you back to Greece and Rome; I'll whore out the Rosetta Stone. Take a flash, cause it's not coming back.
2.
I do not remember the things from this December the way that you describe. I don't trust the teller. The story's a production that you have designed. That's not what it was like. I was not that guy who fucked it up, it was your built up expectations for me. How the hell could I live up? A standard based in fiction, a memory vindictive, and wiring secure. Although I am not guilty, I can't help but feel that somehow I'm at fault. That's not what it was like. I was not so clear to where I stood, I floated on an easy time of holding hands, hoping they'd unclasp without a second glance.

credits

released September 18, 2012

Recorded by Doubting Thomas Cruise Control, August/September 2012 at Duckbill Studios (Gowanus/Bed-Stuy)

Artwork by Bina Santos ( www.binaviviensantos.com)

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